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Excuses
1 min read · 211 words
An excuse is a story that closes the gap between what you committed to and what you did. The question isn't whether it's plausible — it's whether it's the actual reason.
Is this you?
Check whatever lands. Nothing is sent anywhere.
An excuse is the narrative the mind generates to close the gap between what was committed and what was delivered.
The system committed to an action. The action didn’t happen. The gap between the commitment and the outcome threatens the identity file — the entry that says I follow through, I’m reliable, I do what I say. The mind produces a narrative that explains the gap without damaging the file: the circumstances prevented it, the timing was wrong, something more important intervened.
The narrative may be accurate. Circumstances do intervene. Timing does matter. Other priorities do arise. The diagnostic question is not whether the explanation is plausible but whether it’s the actual reason — or whether the avoidance system, the fear system, or the conservation system made the decision, and the mind is providing cover after the fact.
To check: strip the narrative. What was the actual sequence? The commitment was made. At the point of execution, what signal was the system producing? Resistance? Fear? Fatigue? The signal that was running at the moment the action didn’t happen is usually more honest than the explanation the mind generated afterward. The signal is the reason. The excuse is the PR department.
Plausible, and not the reason
You committed to something. It didn't happen. That gap threatens an entry in the story you hold about yourself — the one that says you follow through, you're reliable, you do what you say. So your mind produces a narrative that explains the gap without damaging the entry: the circumstances prevented it, the timing was wrong, something more important came up.
The narrative may well be accurate. Circumstances do intervene, timing does matter, other priorities genuinely arise. Which is exactly what makes this difficult — the test isn't plausibility, because excuses are usually plausible.
The test is whether it's the actual reason, or whether the avoidance system, the fear system or the conservation system made the decision and your mind supplied cover afterwards. Those two feel identical from inside, because the cover arrives fast and arrives as sincere belief.
There are two useful tells. The first is repetition: the same reason appearing across different failures suggests a generator rather than a circumstance. The second is counterfactual — if the thing had been something you badly wanted, would the same obstacle have stopped you? Frequently the honest answer is no, and that's the finding.
Test the reason against what you'd have done
Three questions on something you committed to and didn't do.
Real questions
How do I tell an excuse from a real reason?
Plausibility won't help you, because excuses are usually plausible — that's what makes them work. Two tests do better. Would the same obstacle have stopped you if you'd badly wanted the thing? And have you used this reason before, for unrelated failures? A reason that generalises across different situations is a generator rather than a circumstance, and the counterfactual question is uncomfortable precisely because it works.
Why do I believe my own excuses?
Because the narrative is produced fast and arrives as sincere belief rather than as construction — your mind isn't lying to you deliberately, it's supplying cover for a decision made elsewhere, by the avoidance or conservation system, before you were consulted. That's why excuse-making doesn't feel like dishonesty from inside. The explanation is genuinely believed and genuinely not the cause.
What's the point of admitting the real reason if nothing changes?
Something usually does change, because the accurate version points at a different fix. The timing was wrong suggests rescheduling, which hasn't worked three times. I'm avoiding this because I'm afraid of what I'll find suggests something else entirely. The excuse isn't just a comfort — it's a misdiagnosis, and it keeps sending you back to the remedy that was never going to work.
Isn't it harsh to call reasons excuses?
It would be if circumstances never intervened, and they do — some reasons are simply reasons, and treating every failure as a character matter is its own distortion. The distinction isn't about harshness, it's about diagnosis. Hold both: real obstacles get rescheduled without guilt, and cover stories get named so the actual obstacle becomes available to work on.
Why do I explain myself even when nobody asked?
Because the gap threatens an entry in your own story, not just your standing with other people — so the explanation is being produced for internal consumption first. That's why it appears before anyone has raised it and why it keeps running afterwards. It's also why the unprompted explanation is often a reliable signal to yourself that something needs examining.
How do I stop making excuses?
Not by banning them, which mostly produces better-concealed ones. Add the counterfactual test instead, applied quietly and after the fact: would this have stopped me if I'd badly wanted it? You'll find a proportion survive, which is useful — it means you can stop treating every missed commitment as evidence about your character and concentrate on the ones that don't survive.